(Recorded live November 11, 2006 on Kentucky Homefront and broadcast on WFPL 91.9 FM Louisville, KY.)

Host John Gage, I think with some trepidation, allowed me to stretch the boundaries of the Homefront format for a more serious show. It was “dedicated to ‘King Coal’: to some, the savoir of America; to others, the heartbreak of Kentucky.” John, writers and musicians Silas House and Jason Howard (The Doolittles) and the Reel World String Band played old protest songs, folk tunes, ballads and other “coal” related songs.

I added an essay written by Brenda Mutter Urias for New Southerner, and one of her poems. Brenda lives in Island Creek of Phyllis, Kentucky in Pike County, in the shadow of a coal operation. I also added some “educational” and bridge narrative. But the show needed some humor, so I wrote the radio skit below, “Fighting Terrorism,” performed by “The Commonwealth Players”: Col. Bob Thompson, Katie Barton, and me. Katie is in the apprentice program at Actors Theatre.

Trivia: John & Bob recorded two shows that evening. When we sat around the table to rehearse, I noticed that their other scripts were printed in larger print – 14 pt. bold type. Seems the eyes of the Homefront hosts are aging! That evening, John Gage forgot his reading glasses so Bob loaned his to John. Standing next to Bob on stage, I could see him bending forward close as possible to read my 12 point script. Next time I’ll know to use large print!

JOHN: Here’s writer and writing teacher Michael Jackman, this week’s front porch philosopher, to tell you a bit about coal mining, including Mountaintop Removal Mining.

MICHAEL: (AD LIB THANK YOU GOOD TO BE BACK). Since coal started out as plants, it’s only fair to call it another one of Kentucky’s cash crops, like tobacco, corn–and weed. But coal is at least as controversial as that crop. Experts say that almost none of the cash comes back to Kentuckians, mining hurts the land and the people, and when the coal’s gone, it’s done gone. Since it takes millions of years to form, I don’t think you and I will be around to see the second crop, although we could end up as part of it. But the powerful shovels and twenty storey high draglines that frantically scoop the coal seams out from piles of blasted mountain tops don’t care about the controversy. These days it’s not just profits and energy demands that fuel the coal shovels. They say Middle East oil revenues fund Middle East terrorism, less oil means less funds, and thus coal-fired electricity is now ammo used in the war against terror. Besides, reclamation will save the mountains, right?

(FIGHTING TERRORISM SKIT)

KATIE: Hey, Bob, I’m fighting the war against terrorism.

BOB: That’s great, Katie, how you doing it?

KATIE: By consuming coal-powered electricity. I’m leaving my lights, computers and televisions on all day and all night.

BOB: Hey, that’s terrific. How many televisions you got now?

KATIE: Fourteen.

BOB: Fourteen!

KATIE: Yea, one for the stable—the horses have to fight for the remote, but I mean I’m NOT getting each one their own TV. Then one for each room, including the bathrooms, so that’s eight, and then I decided to put a little TV at each place setting, ’cause everyone likes to watch their own show, you know, at breakfast and dinner. Not only am I fighting terrorism, but we’re eating meals together as a family again!

BOB: Yeah, well that’s great. I’m fighting the war on terrorism, too.

KATIE: What are you doing, Bob?

BOB: Well, I started me a coal company, and I’m blasting the tops off mountains, then digging out the coal and tossing the dead trees, the boulders, and the dirt, and the dirty water and the occasional ancestral home into the valleys.

KATIE: Sounds real efficient.

BOB: Yeah, and it’s aesthetically pleasing, too. Know what I mean? ‘Cause nobody likes lumpy land. It gets in the way of the view, and it’s hard to climb up all those mountains. So I figure I’ll just smooth everything out, make it nice and even to walk on. Help save energy that way. When I’m done with the coal then I’m gonna plant me some grass there and start a chain of golf courses and hotels. I’m gonna call it Golf Across America.

KATIE: What a great name.

BOB: Yeah, a thousand golf courses – eighteen thousand holes. You’ll be able to fire up your coal-powered cart and play through from Tennessee to Pennsylvania. It’s great to fight the war on terror.

KATIE: Yes it is!

JOHN: It certainly is. (AD LIB THANK YOU) Katie Barton, Colonel Bob Thompson, and Michael Jackman: “The Commonwealth Players.”